1. Why it is Getting Harder to Find That Special One

    February 28, 2014

    Why it is Getting Harder to Find That Special One

    We all have meaningful relationships in our lives or at least we’ve had that experience (parents, friends, family, and love). But as we grow older, meaningful relationships seem harder to find. How can we connect deeply to someone and not just have relationships that scrap the surface of meaningful? Where can we find them and how will you know you’ve met someone worth keeping around?

    We used to have no filters.

    And got hurt over and over. So we developed walls to protect us from others. But sometimes those same walls that are meant to protect keep others away. My bottom line is, you’re going to have to open up to someone once in a while.  But you should be prepared to recognize the ones that are going to be worthwhile opening up to.

    In a crowd and still all alone.

    This has got to be one of the worst feelings to have. Of being alone in spite of being surrounded by other human beings. But those same people don’t mean anything to you neither do you mean anything to them. They need to know you to care and love you. And as psychologists like John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth and others have pointed out attachment to other human beings is one of our most primal needs and essential to our mental health and adaptation. A lot of our mental health issues arise from a lack of attachment and meaningful relationships in our lives. We cannot forget we are social beings and need face-to-face contact.

    Are you in meaningful and fulfilling relationships?

    I’ll give a few clues on what are the components of a meaningful relationship. If you’re involved in love and friendship relationships that have components like:

    • Respect. Do your friends call to check up on you? They don’t leaving waiting for hours? Do they listen when you talk?
    • Time investment. Are the people around you making the effort to spend time with you? Even if they’re far away they still seem close by (because they call or send e-mails or texts)?
    • Mutual feelings and caring. Does that person reply to your feelings in the same way? Do they empathize with you?
    • A feeling deep connection. Do you feel like that person means a lot to you? Do you have a history together and memories you wouldn’t trade for anything?
    • Understanding. Does that person make the effort to understand you even if they don’t agree with you?

    If you checked yes in all components, congratulations! If you’re not involved in meaningful relationships start thinking on how you’re going to make room in your life to let the good ones in and he bad ones out.

    Meaningful relationships: how do I get one?

    • It involves work and personal commitment. I’m not going to lie to you: to have meaningful relationships, you’ll need to devote love, time and care to someone. It takes work but like I’ve always heard anything that is worthwhile in life has to be fought for.
    • Be picky. You can be a crowd pleaser if you’re going to pursue meaningful relationships in your life. It’s much more effective to have one or two close friends than 500 friends on Facebook that are not around when you need a shoulder to cry on.
    • Don’t give yourself to anyone and everyone. This follows that last one. Yes you have to give yourself a little bit, but people should earn your trust first. And don’t give yourself away, you’re precious. Make them work it!
    • Don’t settle for scrapes of love. You’re looking for the real deal. If a friend can’t give you a similar amount of their time and attention as the ones you provide them, then maybe you shouldn’t settle for just that.

    Image Credit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/sianainengland/5893681354


  2. Anxious About Finding Love in the New Year?

    January 8, 2014

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    The New Year is a time for fresh starts and new beginnings. Many people feel a sense of positivity during this period as they make plans and resolutions for the year ahead. For some people, 2014 will be year when they finally find the job of their dreams, vow to become a more laid back person, or quit the junk food. However, for some people the year ahead will be the one where they hope to find love.

    The Christmas period which has just passed can be a very difficult time for singles – many people wish they had someone to share those special times with. With the New Year comes a renewed sense of hope. Of course, you can’t simply expect the man/woman of your dreams to fall into your lap, however there are things you can do to be more proactive in your search for love.

    The New Year is the most popular time for people to sign up to online dating websites. There is no longer such a stigma attached to online dating and it’s thought that around a third of marriages begin this way. As long as you exercise safety and caution, especially when meeting someone for the first time, online dating can be a great way of meeting new people. If you work long hours or have family commitments, then this method is easy to fit in around your busy life.

    If you have a little more time on your hands, you might want to consider taking up an evening class or joining a local hobby group. Not only will you pick up some new skills but it’s an excellent way to meet new people. The great thing about taking up a class in something which interests you is that you’re more likely to meet likeminded people who share your interests and passions. It’s much more different than simply meeting someone at a bar where you know very little about each other.

    Ironically, another method which is becoming increasingly popular is to have a psychic reading, such as those at TheCircle. Although it’s not for everyone, many people report that having a reading can help to give them a new perspective on life and help them to understand what they are looking for in a partner. The reader is unlikely to tell you that you will meet someone tall, dark and handsome, but they may give you inspiration as to how to meet that special person.

    There are no guarantees when it comes to finding love. However, if you open yourself up to the possibility of meeting someone new then good things are likely to follow. Many people believe that the New Year is all about bettering themselves and forgetting about any unhappiness they may have felt in the previous year. Moving forward may mean taking up new hobbies, becoming healthier or simply trying to adopt a more positive outlook on life. All these things can help to facilitate your search for love.

    Author Bio:  Gemma Andrews is a mom of two, who met her husband 3 years ago after taking up a Spanish language class in her local town. After feeling disillusioned in her search for love, she realised that once she stopped worrying about finding ‘Mr Right’ and concentrated on trying new things and being a more positive person, love soon followed.

    Image Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/lindseykone/3583798017