1. My Own Worst Enemy

    February 12, 2014

    My Own Worst Enemy

    by Michelle Blessing

     

    I want to be happy.  Not just content, but truly HAPPY.  And just when I think I have it figured out, it’s gone.  She takes it away again, leaving me broken and defeated.  Left to rebuild myself, I try again, only to once again almost reach the top of the happiness hill – and she pushes me back to the bottom.  I feel as if I will never win this battle.

     

    Who is she, you might be wondering?  Well, she is very simply put, ME.  I am my own worst enemy in the pursuit of happiness.  I find myself becoming content with the way life is going, finally settling into a pattern, and then I start to wonder – is this really it?  Have I reached the pinnacle of happiness?  My focus begins to drift, and I start to refocus my energy on the negative aspects of life, slipping back down the hill it took me so long to climb.

     

    This has been an ongoing battle for me for many, many years.  At one point, I decided I simply wasn’t meant to be happy; after all, not everyone can become a doctor or a lawyer, so why should everyone get to be happy?  Maybe I was meant to live a life of suffering and misery, while others enjoyed the people, places and things around them.

     

    And then I really started to think about it – what made those happy people different from me?  Why were they so jovial and free, while I was trapped in a prison of unhappiness?  I really didn’t have an answer, so I started doing some soul searching.  Why did their happiness seem so easy, so effortless, while mine seemed to be a full-time job?  And it was in that soul searching that I started to find the answers.

     

    First and foremost, happiness is not something we can force.  It is not something we can buy, nor is it something we should even strive for.  Let me explain that last part – because I’m sure many of you are scratching your head – I mean, are we supposed to strive for happiness?  Isn’t that what life is all about?

     

    Yes, it is, but the pursuit of happiness need not be specifically about happiness itself.  Because when it comes down to it, we all define happiness is different ways.  So to say we are striving to be happy has not just one, but also MANY, different meanings.  And that’s okay, but that means that we aren’t necessarily striving for happiness itself, but for the different situations that produce happiness.  Once I learned that happiness was not a quest per say but rather the end result of a journey, I found that what had eluded me for so long was suddenly right at my fingertips.

     

    So, what exactly did I do?  To start, I quit my 9 to 5 job and went back to school.  I started freelance writing and I spent more time with my kids and my family.  I know that is extreme, but you don’t have to overhaul your life to find true happiness.  Start small with something that you really, truly enjoy.  Take time each week to do that one simple thing.  It might be reading a chapter in a great book, taking a cooking or yoga class or making a telephone call to an old friend.  Whatever it is, you simply must do it.  As you start to make that part of your routine, add something else.  Keep adding enjoyable things to your life, slowly, until you feel that sense of contentment we all long for.  It might not come tomorrow, next week or even next month, but rest assured, as you continue to pursue the things in life you truly enjoy, it will.  After all, life is too short to be anything but happy.

    Image Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/viggum/3536424433

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  2. Benefits of Positive Attitude for Addiction Recovery

    February 8, 2014

    Benefits of Positive Attitude for Addiction Recovery

    by Emily Syane

    Recovering from any type of addiction, whether it’s drugs or alcohol, is a long process. An addict cannot simply change overnight, as the nature of addiction is that this is an impulse they cannot control. There have been many types of addiction treatments and therapies over the years and many are still in use today. However, all these treatments, therapies, and retreats would simply be useless if the addict himself simply is not interested in changing. A positive attitude is one of the most powerful weapons people looking to stop their addiction can have. A positive outlook allows them to carry on and stick to their treatments. While some people may think that this is all psychological mumbo-jumbo, a positive attitude towards one’s self, the treatment, and in general, the world, can make a big impact on treating addiction. Let’s take a look at the different ways such an outlook can benefit recovering addicts.

    Reduce Depression

    It’s common sense that if you have a positive attitude, you won’t be depressed, but for addicts, this can practically guarantee their recovery. People treating addicts have coined a term for people who are overly negative – “Stinking Thinking.” This can cause real, clinical depression, but is also very dangerous for people who are trying to get rid of an addiction. This happens when people are overly negative and become pessimistic about their future. This increases their chances of relapsing and even make people around them suffer. Even if they stop taking drugs or alcohol, they recovering addict might not be happy in sobriety and be driven to go back to old habits. And, when people are depressed, even the smallest things can set them off and send them back to the bottle.

    Boost Immune System

    Believe it or not, a positive attitude can actually boost the immune system. A study in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine showed that people who meditated and experienced happiness had a higher level of antibodies in their blood. This meant that people who had a positive attitude could potentially fight off infection better than those who do not.

    Positive Attitude

    Reduce Cardiovascular Disease

    Having a positive attitude can also have benefits to heart health. Various studies have shown that a positive attitude can generally benefit the body because this can lower the level of stress hormones and inflammations, which are good signs for better cardiovascular health.

    Increase Self Efficacy

    Self-efficacy, according to psychologists, is an individual’s belief that they have the ability to achieve their goal. Self-efficacy and positive thinking go hand-in-hand and help an individual achieve their goals. This means that people can reach their goals by simply thinking they can do it. Many people can help improve their self efficacy by accomplishing small goals, seeing other people achieve these goals, and even through therapy.

    Other Benefits…

    There are many other benefits people (in general) can get from simply having a more positive outlook on life. People who have a positive outlook are able to better handle stress and adversities in their lives. They can problem-solve and tend not to let the bad things that happen in their lives to bring them down. They have more energy to do more things in their lives. A positive attitude can help people live longer, as they experience little stress and as mention earlier, have a better immune system. In general, people who have a positive attitude are happier and make those around them happier as well.

    Recovering from an addiction is not an easy road. It is often painful and a lot of hard work. However, many people all over the world recover from their addiction, and in many of those cases, a positive attitude was not only necessary, but pivotal. Having a positive attitude is one of the best ways to recover from an addiction. It has many benefits, but in general, it can help prevent relapses and make recovering live happier lives in sobriety.

    Image Credit: www.flickr.com/photos/jackheart/5188367113

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  3. Suffering: a Necessary Pathway to Personal Growth?

    February 4, 2014

    Suffering and personal growth

    by Daniela Aneis

    When confronted with painful situations in our lives, we often ask ourselves why. “Why is there so much suffering in the world? Why do bad things happen to good people? What have I done to deserve such suffering? What is the point of all this?” But have you ever stopped and wondered you might be asking the wrong questions?

    Although the advent of Positive Psychology has swift the focus of Psychology from psychopathology to what it is that makes the human being extraordinary – by focusing on positive emotions, optimism, resilience, sense of humor and so on – Positive Psychology does not discard the incredible power of suffering and the experience of negative emotions. It’s not about avoiding pain and suffering, it’s about finding out what makes people thrive and achieve personal growth despite suffering like everyone else. Are these people special and extraordinary? Yes, but you can be as well.

    Yes, but why suffer at all?

    You will probably be asking this question by now. That’s got to do with today’s society paradigm. You should be happy all the time, you should be successful and enjoying life to the fullest, you should be surrounded by friends and family and never have any problems because everything is alright all the time! Doesn’t this strike you as a silly idea? Aren’t we allowed to have problems, to feel sad and depressed occasionally? It’s not a crime to experience negative emotions. It’s actually healthy as long as you process them and channel your negative emotions in a constructive way. And this will allow you to grow as a human being and enjoy life to the fullest.

    Does suffering have a point?

    Yes, it does. So, the real question you should be asking is: “Can I find meaning in my suffering?” Psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, who was himself a survivor of the Holocaust, defended in his Logotherapy theory that what we should be seeking for meaning in our lives, whether it is through what we do, who we love or the attitude we take over inevitable suffering.

    Do you know what happens when you ignore your feelings and emotions? You keep sweeping the “emotional dirt” under the rug, until when one day it blows into your face and you’re forced to deal with it. Do you know when this happens? Often when people get sick or seriously depressed or anxious to the point they can’t lead a normal life. Emotional baggage will drag you down.

    How to deal with suffering in a constructive way:

    1. Take responsibility. Most of happens in your life, doesn’t just happen to you. It is a product of the choices you’ve made in life. So ask yourself this, how much percentage of everything that happens to you is your responsibility? Got your number? Good, let’s work on that and ignore what’s not yours.
    2. Deal with emotions. All (!) emotions. Feel sad, cry, yell, feel angry at the world, feel hopeful or happy, but don’t stop feeling. There are no good or bad emotions, just necessary ones. If a loved one passes away, aren’t you going to feel sad for as long as you need to heal from your loss?
    3. Don’t let others bully your emotions. Don’t feel guilty about it. If everyone else around you has bought the slogan “happiness is the way”, that doesn’t mean you can’t feel differently about it. Take time to heal. And then go out there again and face the world.
    4. Take action. Have you processed your emotions? Do you know now why you felt them? Can you change anything about it? Now is the time to take action. Search for a new job, go out and meet new people, try a new activity or sport.
    5. Let go of what you can’t fix. Is it a solvable or unsolvable problem? If the answer is unsolvable, then it already has a solution to it. And if you can’t fix it, let it go. Move on to something you can actually control and manage.

    By now you should have your answer, but if you still need a straight one, here it goes: Yes, suffering is a necessary pathway to personal growth. But it is your choice how to deal with your suffering. So tell me, is the glass half full or half empty?

    Image Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jstar/3185994119

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  4. Developing A Sense of Gratitude

    February 2, 2014

    Developing A Sense of Gratitude

    Sure, we all want to believe we are grateful for the things we have in this life, but how much do we truly practice gratitude on a daily (or even weekly) basis?  Being grateful for what one has seems to be a simple task, but surprisingly, for many people, it is not.  With the hustle and bustle of daily life, along with the development of new gadgets and gizmos everyday, it can be hard to stay grounded and appreciate the things that are a part of you life in the here and now.  Here are some tips for increasing (or developing) a sense of gratitude.

     

    Write it down – This might seem like a no-brainer; writing down what you are grateful for is simple.  However, it can be more difficult than you think.  First and foremost, you need to actually sit down and find the time to write.  As I stated earlier about the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it can be hard for many people to justify sitting down for a few minutes and write out these affirmations.  However, by keeping a visible list of things and people you are grateful for in your life, it can serve as a powerful reminder in times of need.  Whenever you are feeling down about life or struggling with some problem, you can pull out the list and remind yourself of just how many things you have to be thankful for.

     

    Letters of appreciation – Another great idea to help you feel more grateful about your life is to write a letter of appreciation to someone in your life.  You don’t actually have to send this letter if you don’t want to, but the act of writing down all the ways this person has helped you can send an important message.  First, it helps you realize that you are important and others do care about you.  And second, it allows you to take a moment to reflect on just how much another person was able to be there for you during an emotional or trying time in your life.

     

    Meditate – Getting in tune with your physical and mental states of being is another way to develop or strengthen gratitude.  Even sitting down for 10 minutes and focusing on yourself can help you appreciate how strong you can actually be.  Focus on your breathing, how it feels as it enters and leaves your body; focus on the physical sensations and the mental clarity that meditation can bring.  Learning to appreciate the amazing things your body can actually do helps you to feel grateful for health and well-being.

     

    Help someone in need –This can be as simple or as complex as you want it to be.  Maybe it’s a weekly standing date at the local shelter to lend a hand (or an ear).  Perhaps it’s volunteering once a month at the animal shelter.  Or maybe it’s simply helping someone with grocery bags outside the supermarket.  Whatever you do, no matter how large or small, the act of helping another human being helps you reconnect with your purpose in life and makes you appreciate the fact you can actually be of assistance to another person (or animal).

     

    Focus on what you have, not what you want – Sure, we all have wants in life.  We want to have more money, more time, a bigger house, a nicer car….the list could go on and on.  But instead of focusing on the things in life you don’t have, try refocusing your energy on what you do have.  For example, if you find yourself longing for more closet space in your bedroom and it’s stressing you out, think about the fact you are lucky to have your own bedroom – because there is someone out there sleeping on the floor (or worse, in a car or on the streets).  When you are upset because your best friend bought a new car and you’re still driving around in your clunker from college, think about that elderly gentleman who walks (rain, sleet or snow) because he can’t even afford a clunker.  When you keep the focus on what you actually have rather than what you don’t, you learn to appreciate the smaller (and greater) things in life.

    Image Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jstar/4345364420/

     

     

     

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  5. Are You Living Your Life on “Autopilot”?

    January 27, 2014

    Are You Living Your Life on Autopilot?

    Have you ever had the feeling you were living your life on automatic pilot? A similar metaphor could be when you get into your car and drive home without being aware of how you got there.  Living on autopilot is about having the same routines and doing the same activities every week or everyday without considering why you’re doing them in the first place.  And did it ever occur to you that not thinking about or even paying attention to what’s around you creates a big void in you? Suddenly days, weeks, years go by without fully being lived or experienced. Does time pass you by?  If you feel this way carry on reading the rest of this article.

    As human beings, we often don’t realize what a wonderful piece of nature’s engineering our brain is and the amount of potential it has. But our brain is also lazy and prone to go on “automatic mode”. Most of the time, this is a quite useful survival mechanism. Can you imagine yourself having to remember to breathe ever few seconds? It would be impossible to get anything done because it wouldn’t allow room for anything else! My point here is: although a very handy mechanism, going on “auto mode” all the time alienates you from your life and empties it of meaning. And isn’t true happiness in leading a life of meaning?

     

    How to return at being the master and commander of your life?

     

    Ever heard of mindfulness? Based on Buddhist thought, it was brought to the West in the 70’s and it has proven to be successful at helping people suffering from anxiety, depression and stress. In essence it helps people re-connect with themselves, others and what’s around you, preventing you from living an automated life.  It’s not a religion, it’s basically a therapeutic tool. Is it hard to be mindful? Read on and let us know what you think.

    5 Ways to become Mindful

     

    1. Stop. Yes, take 20 minutes off your busy life and meditate a while! Are you at the office? Good, sit back, close your eyes, and just listen to what’s around you. Block work from your mind, any worries and stop thinking about what to do next. Just focus on the here-and-now and your breathing. Feeling better? These 20 minutes of meditation will allow you to re-energize and concentrate on the job at hands.
    2. Overflow your senses. Too often we’re dependent on your vision to process and interpret the world. Would you be surprised if we told you our vision is not our most effective sense? So again, close your eyes, listen, smell, taste and touch! How often do you really enjoy a wonderful meal? Savoring each single taste of food and combination of flavors? Next time, take more than 10 minutes to really enjoy one of life’s greatest pleasures.
    3. Tune in your inner feelings. How are you feeling today right now? Did you know that most of psychological illnesses arise from poor processing of emotions? Everything seems piling up inside you unless you let go of some of that baggage. Talk to a friend, go to a therapist (!), but most important of all, listen to what you’re feeling. Those are the important signs that will help you take the right action.
    4. Enjoy.  Yes, feel the joy! What’s life without a little joy and fun? Life isn’t some punishment we’re meant to endure. Life is to be enjoyed and flavored. Go out and do something you really love, spend time with friends and family, re-connect to yourself!
    5. Be thankful.  This is a particular useful exercise. I do it all the time. Before you going to bed, think about all the people, things and experiences in your life you’re grateful for happening to you. Think about at least five. Might be hard at first, but if you do this often, you’ll soon realize your “Thank You” list is huge! Taking the time to think about all the wonderful people and events your life will surely help you re-connect with your life and lead a full on life!

     

    Image Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/aseraphin/6853190725

     

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  6. Positive Thinking – Stopping Anxious Thoughts

    December 4, 2013

    Positive Thinking – Stopping Anxious Thoughts

    Positive thinking is a great way to combat anxiety and the anxious thoughts that go along with it. Although positive thinking may be hard for several people with anxiety, but it will help to take your mind off of the situation that causes you to be anxious, which will obviously reduce your anxiety.

    Reassurance To Your Body

    One of the biggest ways that positive thinking helps  is by providing reassurance to your body. This works by telling your body that everything will be okay. Knowing that everything will be okay causes anxiety being lifted from the body. This helps your body build confidence in yourself, which will help you in your current situation as well as future situations.

     

    Providing your body with reassurance to lift anxiety by positive thinking is extremely hard, especially in cases of severe anxiety. Positive thinking is always a hard thing to do. It gets even harder if you don’t have confidence in yourself or you feel like there is no way you will make it through. It may also be hard if you feel like something could go wrong that will mess everything up. However, you must try your hardest to look at the positives in any situation.

     

    A Wish Has The Possibility of Coming True

    “Wishful thinking” is usually a term used to define a wish that will never come true. However, this is usually not the case when it comes to positive thinking to help anxiety. Positive thinking to help anxiety is usually reassuring your body that things will not go wrong (as stated above). Positive thinking may often be put of as “wishful thinking” to those who struggle with anxiety. Many people that try to reassure themselves that everything will turn out okay begin to think that things will not be okay, and that it is only a wish that things will be okay. However, you should combat this feeling and remember that your mind is tricking you into worrying. You should try your hardest to convince your brain that everything will turn out okay.

     

    Studies have shown that those people who think positively tend to go through life in a happier mood. People tend to be happier if they think positively. This simply means that if you think positively about situations, you will be happier in life as well as combat your anxiety. Thinking positively will help you be a better person in life altogether. It will help you go through life in a happier mood, and you may feel like walking around and smiling at people as you’re walking through the grocery store. This is simply because it is a great feeling to be happy, and when you’re happy and care-free, you want to spread the happiness to all of the other people in your life – whether you know them or not.

     

    In conclusion, it is a great idea to think positively. Not only will it help you combat your anxiety and provide reassurance to yourself, but it will also help you be happier in life. If you are happy, you probably will want to spread the love with everybody else. The world will be a happier place if people would think positively more often. Not only does positive thinking help to improve your anxiety, but it also helps to improve your mood. It will make you a happier person and allow you to control your anxiety at the same time. It is a great idea to try your hardest to think positively, as it will improve yourself as a person, and it may even have an effect on others around you.

    Image Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/lindseykone/5362917664

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  7. Happiness and Better Health

    September 5, 2013

    Happiness Leads to Better Health

    Lately, physicians, researchers, and even economists have embarked on a journey to unveil the secrets of achieving better health. What could be deciphered from the secrets of nature is that happiness leads to better health. Well, modern research just validates what was established ages ago by sages.

    What exactly is happiness?

     

    Happiness as a concept is fairly subjective and dynamic. It often revolves around various vague aspects and so there are innumerable definitions of happiness. What has been derived from myriad definitions is that happiness is a felling of elation that protects you from stress and ill-thoughts, instilling the spirit with joy and jubilation.

    Many scholars categorize happiness as a sense of inner peace, comfort, an positive attitude that paves way for a healthier, more balanced and a long lasting life. If you are a religious person than, according to saints and spiritual teachers, happiness is a feeling of gratitude towards God for showering his blessings on our poor souls.

    Hundreds of writers, poets, and intellectuals have used their pen to describe what happiness means to them – I personally like this one:

    “Under the deep blue sea

    It’s always better my darling

    Down the wetter lines

    Take me further O my Lord – So I can either find you or happiness!”

    Does happiness really affect our health?

     

    Amusingly so, most of really happy and cheerful people comes across as exceptionally healthy for their age. Once in a blue moon we get news of our distant relative (Uncle Cheerful – almost every one of us have one) suffering from cardiac arrest.

    Statistics show that happiness is correlated with better health for individuals, communities, and even countries. So what could be the secret? Is it inner peace and comfort? Is it a positive attitude to the outside world? Is it positive thinking? Happy people certainly have less negative thoughts that cause negative emotions. It is well known from medical studies that these negative emotions ruin our psychological and physical health. As per medical researchers, happiness is the surest way to stimulate the release of anti-stress hormones and improve your immune system.

    Research studies by the Harvard’s School of Public Health in Boston and University College in London correlate happiness with longevity and show that optimistic and happy people live longer and healthier years.

    Secrets of happiness

     

    What does it take to be happy in your life? Not much, just follow these golden rules and let happiness come to you.
    1. Find Positive in everything around you
    Positive Psychology teaches us to focus on positive aspects of our life. Every moment we have a choice of focusing on positives or on negatives… this choice is yours. Positive thinking and positive attitude to others is a key to happiness.

     

    2. Eat the diet of happiness

     

    Scientist and dietitians recommend one key ingredient for your diet: Essential fatty acids or EFAs. These acids are the building blocks for your brain and deficiency causes anxiety, depression, and even dementia. EFA supplements and a diet rich in Olive oil, fish, and seasonal fruits and vegetables is essential to keep you in a positive mood.

     

    3. Sleep to heaven

     

    Sleep sets the tone and mood for the following day. Sleep is shown to be the most important factor for your mental health. Statistics prove that those who sleep well can find their joy even in the garden of hell. The insomnia or inability to sleep causes devastating impact in the life of people.

     

    4. Live and Let live

     

    The ultimate mantra to instill loads of bliss and joy within yourself and others is through adherence with the policy of ‘live and let live.’  It is a contagious policy and profits one and all for an entire life.

     

    Can we measure happiness?

     

    Assessment of happiness is subjective and depends on what you consider a happiness scale.  There is no particular criterion other than the glow on your face.

    The indicators of happiness are life satisfaction, health, community engagement. Person need some basic wealth to be happy, yet high income doesn’t really increase the level of happiness.

    The level of happiness could be measured based on surveys. In 1972, Bhutan introduced a Gross National Happiness (GNH) scale, a parameter which is closely monitored by government and considered very important to the development of their economy.

     

    Author Bio: Mike Chapman a happiness expert & fitness consultant with 5+ years of experience working in clinics and gyms and dealing with health, pain and injuries. He is delivering talks on happiness and writing articles telling people how happiness can benefit their lives and the environment.

    Image Credit: Mark Sebastian – http://www.flickr.com/photos/markjsebastian/7824209576

     

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  8. Having A Mental Illness and Being Positive?

    August 22, 2013

     mental illness - positive thinking

    I hate “think positive” websites because most of them have no clue what it feels to have a mental illness. They give you this overly sweet message – just change this and that and you will be happy and achieve nirvana… Yet, I like Jeff’s blog – the message here is “bitter-sweet”, it doesn’t feel “fake positive” if you know what I mean…  Here, I decided to focus on the positive in my life, so let’s give it a shot:

    1. Finding out who your true friends are. Nothing makes people run away faster than the mention of a mental illness. At the beginning everyone sticks around but as time progresses the number gets smaller and smaller until your real friends are left.

    2. Finding out what your truly capable of. I never knew how much inner strength or will power I truly had until I became sick. After going to your absolute bottom and somehow finding the strength to still fight you find out who you truly are at the core level.

    3. Finding out what is important. At one point I had the middle class dream of a nice paycheck and a house with a white picket fence. After the depression tornado took everything away I learned the only thing that really matters are the people in your life for they can never be replaced.

    4. The ability to start over. After the mental illness beast has finally left your world you are awarded a second chance of choosing on what kind of life you want to live a luxury the “normal” people cannot pull off very easily.

    5. The power of knowing. For a very long time I seem to be wandering around in the dark with no visible purpose in my life and I could never figure out why. When the day came and the realization that I was mentally ill a boulder was lifted off of my shoulder for now I had an answer and knew exactly what I had to do to fix it. The purpose of my life is simple and that is to enjoy life as we only get one crack at it.

    To be completely honest here I am rather amazed that I was able to think of five reasons to be positive and I am sure there is a lot more, but the meds are working a little bit too well tonight so my brain appears to be running in slow motion.

     

    Andrew R.

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  9. Yogaspire: A Practice of Positive Psychology and Yoga

    July 12, 2013

    yogaspire

    by Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar and Megan McDonough

    Yoga and positive psychology are not usually used in the same sentence. Positive psychology is, after all, a science—and a recent one at that. It uses research and data to come to conclusions about what makes people flourish. Yoga is a practice that is thousands of years old and although some would call it a science, it is not defined as such in western academia. Like positive psychology, the practice is meant to elevate. What would it look like to combine the body-centered approach of yoga postures with the science-based approach of positive psychology?

    Defining Yoga

    The word “yoga” comes from the Sanskrit root yuj, which means “to join” or “to yoke.” Basically, the practice is an integration of all aspects of self.

    A great definition of yoga came from Amrit Desai, a yogi who said, “The practice is when what you think, say, and feel are aligned.” Interestingly enough, this is similar to how Gandhi described happiness when he said, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”

    This connection of aligned thinking and action is very important, and we’ll come back to it in a bit.

    As for yoga, many equate it with the physical practice. The word conjures images of extremely flexible people in amazing postures. However, classical yoga describes an eight-fold path that spells out guidelines for living a meaningful and purposeful life. One of those eight paths is “Asana”, the Sanskrit word for physical postures. These postures are designed for physical well-being and are used for developing concentration, attention, and awareness in preparation for meditation.

    The Effects of Yoga

    You can see in magazines today the popular image of the very flexible yoga practitioner. Yet, the physical flexibility is nothing compared to the mental flexibility that yoga builds. There are two aspects of yoga that cannot be captured in a fancy photo: being mindful of experiencing the posture, and expanding your awareness beyond what first captures your attention.

    In the physical practice of yoga, one focuses attention on the very real and tangible body (Where are my arms and legs in this posture? Am I holding unnecessary tension in my neck? What is that strange sensation in my shoulder?) Then the practitioner expands awareness into even finer layers, perhaps being aware of the breath, of attitudes and thoughts, emotions arising, the interplay between the ground and the feet, or the relationship to the teacher or other students. In this way, the practitioner connects body and mind, consciously paying attention.

    We can expand this directed attention to focus on our psychological state in addition to our physical state. At Wholebeing Institute, we call this practice Yogaspire.

    Yogaspire

    Let’s come back to the idea of aligning thought and action. Research in psychology points to a reciprocal relationship between attitudes and behaviors, and it seems clear that attitudes affect behaviors. We usually seek the company of those we find engaging and avoid those who fail to excite us. If I like self-help books and find cooking tedious, I am more likely to gravitate towards one section of the bookstore rather than another. A deep love of golf is likely to take me to a driving range, whereas fear of rough physical contact is likely to drive me away from the football field.

    The relationship between attitudes and behaviors goes beyond our likes and dislikes, influencing the course of action we choose. Psychological research and observations point to a reciprocal relationship between attitudes and behaviors: not only do our thoughts affect our actions, what we do also affects how we think.

    Attitude (in the mind) and behavior (through the body) creates a self-reinforcing loop. Yogaspire makes the link between the two more explicit by being mindful of what one is doing (physical postures) while consciously cultivating a desired state of mind (psychological state).

    For example, in the mountain pose in yoga, we can be aware of our physical body standing strong and tall, feeling our heart lifting up, and we can extend that sensation to include our psychological state by mentally repeating “I am grounded and strong.”

    How you sit, stand, walk, and use your physical body has an impact on your psychological state. Does your physical position right now give you some clues to your psychological state? What happens when you change your posture, purposely picking a position that for you epitomizes the desired state?

    Research

    What does research say about how a yoga pose like mountain affects our psychology? According to Amy Cuddy, a researcher at Harvard University, even a quick two-minute pose has a direct impact on you—both in terms of hormonal changes (attitudes in the mind) and on the subsequent behavior (actions through the body).

    In this study,* participants’ mouths were swabbed at the start of the protocol to test saliva for the hormone testosterone, which is associated with power and confidence, and cortisol, the stress hormone. After the swab, they were asked to strike either a low-power pose or a high-power pose for two minutes. As you may have guessed, the low-power posers took up less space by crossing arms and legs protectively and curling the spine. High-power posers, in contrast, took up lots of space. Think of Wonder Woman with her legs wide and hands on her hips, or the big executive with feet on the desk and fingers intertwined behind the head.

    At the end of two minutes, the saliva was tested again and participants were asked if they wanted to make a bet with the $2 they were given. They could keep it (a safe bet), or gamble with a roll of the dice (riskier, but with a good 50/50 chance to double their money).

    After only two minutes, the high-power poses caused an increase in testosterone compared with low-power poses, which caused a decrease. High-power poses also caused a decrease in cortisol compared with low-power poses, which caused an increase.

    In other words, taking up lots of space with your body increases the power hormone and decreases the stress hormone. It changes—at least for the duration of this experiment—your physiology. These changes affect decisions, actions, and behaviors. High-power posers were more likely than low-power posers to focus on rewards—86.36 percent took the gambling risk while only 60 percent of the low-power posers took the risk.

    Finally, high-power posers reported feeling significantly more “powerful” and “in charge” than low-power posers did. As the researchers state, “Thus, a simple two-minute power-pose manipulation was enough to significantly alter the physiological, mental, and feeling states of our participants. The implications of these results for everyday life are substantial.”

    *Carney, D.R., Cuddy, A.J.C. & Yap, A.J. “Power Posing: Brief Nonverbal Displays Affect Neuroendocrine Levels and Risk Tolerance.” Psychological Science 21.10 (2010): 1363-368.

     

    About the Authors:

    Dr. Tal Ben ShaharDr. Tal Ben-Shahar, CLO of Wholebeing Institute, is an author and lecturer. He taught the largest course at Harvard on “Positive Psychology” and the third largest on “The Psychology of Leadership”—with a total of over 1,400 students. Author of Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment, he consults and lectures around the world to corporate executives, the general public, and at-risk populations on topics that include happiness, self-esteem, resilience, goal-setting, mindfulness, and leadership.

    Megan McDonoughMegan McDonough, CEO of Wholebeing Institute, is the award-winning author of Infinity in a Box: Using Yoga to Live with Ease and A Minute for Me: Learning to Savor Sixty Seconds. Mastery of “how to get from point A to point B” is Megan’s trademark, whether it’s leading the entry of Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health into online learning, speed-launching a first-of-its-kind worldwide virtual conference, or teaching thousands of people to live with ease and clarity based on their own internal compass.

    Image Credit: Marketing-Deluxe

    Category Happiness and Fulfillment, Motivational, Positive Psychology Blog, Yoga, Tai Chi and Meditation | Tags: ,,,,,,,,,, | Comments Off on Yogaspire: A Practice of Positive Psychology and Yoga

  10. The Importance of Empathy in Your Relationship

    June 13, 2013

    romance and empathy

    by Jonathan Lenbuck

    In order for a relationship to be successful, having empathy for your partner is important. Of course, your partner also has to have empathy for you. We all have to work at our relationships to ensure we get the most out of the experience, while taking into account the other person’s feelings, wishes and needs. Yet for some people, fostering empathy as part of a close relationship can be difficult to achieve.

    What is Empathy?

    The word ‘empathy’ has only been part of language use for just over a century. Empathic capabilities in humans are considered to be a part of our emotional intelligence. When we empathise with another person, we are able to see things from their point of view.

    Some of you will be familiar with the phrase “Don’t judge a man until you have walked in his shoes,” which speaks of the importance of empathy and moral values. Empathic abilities enable us to form the basis of a moral code, based on how we believe other people would like to be treated.

    When we know someone well, we can very often predict what they would do in certain situations, based on our knowledge of that person. This is referred in psychology as “Theory of Mind.” Due to our empathic capacities, we can respond appropriately in social situations, and take socially appropriate actions in a range of different situations.

    Empathic Issues

    Like so many problems in psychology, a good way to emphasise the importance of empathy in our relationships is to look at what happens when someone has very few empathic capabilities. A number of psychological conditions can inhibit an individual’s empathic ability. Some of these are:

    When a person lacks empathy, their behaviour is not always what we might expect. Often, the individual may seem thoughtless or arrogant at times. In extreme cases, this can lead to cruelty and distress. However, for someone living with a psychological condition, it is not their fault if they say the wrong thing, or sometimes seem cold before they see your reaction.

    They are relying on your empathy to see things from their perspective. Those who have empathy learn to understand that no harm is meant by the occasional cutting remark. The individual was simply unable to foresee the impact their words would have, in the current situation.

    Some individuals tend to see things in black and white. When a person has a different opinion to them, they react negatively. They enter a defensive state of mind where they are unable to see the point of what the other person is saying. This means that collaborative work and discussion can be extremely difficult.

    Anger versus Empathy

    No matter what our capacity for empathy, when we become angry, our ability to empathise becomes compromised. When we become: frustrated, stressed, or angry it becomes difficult to see things clearly. Many of us will admit that when we get carried away in an argument, we can say things we don’t really mean in the heat of the moment. Then afterwards, when we have had the chance to calm down, we regret saying them and feel compelled to apologise.

    The Importance of Empathy in Close Relationships

    Having empathy for others is important in all relationships. We demonstrate our empathic abilities for a partner by identifying what that person is feeling. To have empathy for other people, we must be in touch with our own feelings. Good listening skills are valuable to enable great communication between partners.

    Someone with an empathetic nature is patient, kind and understanding. They accept that we all have flaws, but that we deserve to be loved in spite of them. Those wishing to learn how to become more empathetic should know that to have empathy for someone else, we must first love ourselves.

    Empathy in the Spotlight

    When couples come to a counselling session, they are asked how they feel about their relationship. Counsellors use empathic questioning, to encourage empathic thinking in other people. For example, a typical question frequently asked during a counselling session is: “How do you think your partner feels about your relationship?”

    In situations where a person has very little empathy, therapy can nurture vital relationship skills. Increasing an individual’s awareness about problems which may occur in future, and finding ways to deal with them is the role of the counsellor. Issues affecting a couple’s relationship are identified, and strategies are discussed so the couple can deal with them as they arise.

     Image Credit: Wirawat Lian-udom 

     

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