1. Been made redundant? How to turn it into a positive experience

    June 2, 2013

    Losing your job often comes as a massive shock, even though most of us are aware that it’s a danger which is always lurking in the shadows, no matter how well you perform the job or how long you’ve been doing it. Being made redundant can literally turn your whole life upside down. You find yourself suddenly removed from the routine, workplace and colleagues that have been a regular feature in your life, perhaps for many years. That’s aside from the financial worry that so frequently accompanies this huge change in your circumstances.

    Unfortunately, redundancy is a fact of modern life, as companies seem constantly to shed staff in an attempt to stay competitive. But is it possible that it can be a blessing in disguise for some? Being made redundant forces you to re-evaluate your life and consider your future in a whole new way. Maybe you’ve quietly harboured dreams of breaking free of the 9 to 5 but you couldn’t justify giving up your regular salary and pension benefits? Being made redundant can help you to cast off the shackles which were holding you back from pursuing new ideas because of fear of the unknown or of failure. The rug’s already been pulled out from under your feet, so what have you got to lose? Importantly, a financial settlement for your redundancy can also supply the capital which may have been a bar to starting a venture of your own.

    Though it may come at you out of the blue, redundancy can give you the opportunity to make fresh choices in life, whether that means going travelling, setting up your own business, or retraining for a completely different career.

    NLP, or Neuro Linguistic Programming, can help anyone move forward in their career, but can be particularly useful if you are looking to make big changes in your life. It allows you to view the world differently, identify new opportunities and communicate better. NLP deals with how our minds take in and process information, how we make decisions and how we interact with others. Many of us have limiting beliefs which stop us from doing the things we are capable of achieving. NLP helps us to put those limiting beliefs to one side and become more positive. It’s seen by its supporters as a powerful development tool which can improve communication skills and thought processes on a personal and professional level.

    Just 2 weeks after attending her first course in NLP, Pip Thomas of UK-based firm Edge NLP was made redundant: you can read about Pip’s redundancy story here. It is a sad fact that one in seven UK workers have been made redundant since the economic downturn. She decided to see the positive side and was determined to use the skills she had learned in her course to set up a new business offering NLP advice and training to others.

    Pip says “I would never have dared to set up my own business if I hadn’t been made redundant. I came out of the NLP course full of inspiration and was able to put the skills that I learnt to good use when I was made redundant.”

    For Pip, her NLP training came at a crucial point in her life when she was in a position to maximise its benefits. Pip now tutors people who have been made redundant and finds that NLP really resonates with them. Her students use the practices they learn from her to help them review their objectives in life as well as to embed new skills and behaviours which can equip them to not just deal with, but make the most of, the situation they find themselves in.

    For some, redundancy can bring about positive changes. Whatever you decide to use redundancy as a catalyst for, her story is proof that although it does inevitably bring about major changes, there’s no reason they shouldn’t be for the better.


  2. How to use positive affirmations for maximum psychological benefit

    June 1, 2013

    positive affirmations

    We all have the same goal in life when we strip all nonsense to the basics. We all wish to experience as much life as we can, and learn and grow from those experiences.

    Although we could never run of new things to try we seldom do. Most of us have a routine that we stick to for months, or even years.

    We all have baggage we carry

    The reason is that we all have some kind of baggage or a barrier that holds us back from really prospering. These barriers can come in many forms.

    For example, some of us may lack the confidence to go after what we want, others may believe that they are not good enough, and then there are those of us that are addicted to one thing or another, be it cigarettes, alcohol, food or something different entirely.

    Unfortunately it usually takes us a lot more time to deal with our problems than we both planned and hoped it would take. Some of us might never even get close to getting rid of our baggage.

    Positive Thinking

    The first, fundamental thing every one of us needs in order to be able to develop is a positive mindset.

    A positive mindset will make it much more likely that you will find the motivation, strength and endurance to do what needs to be done so you can finally start living the life of your dreams.

    There are many ways to rewire your psyche to think positively.

    Positive Affirmations

    Positive affirmations are just statements which we affirm to be true. We affirm those statements to ourselves.

    The goal of affirming sentences to ourselves is to start believing in them. Positive affirmations a person might recite to him or herself might include ones like “I am confident”, “I always go after what I want”, “I love myself” and “People find me attractive”, among countless others.

    Positive affirmations help solve pretty much any problem you may have, if they are used the right way. Here is list of a few problems they can help you deal with:

    • Confidence issues
    • Health issues
    • Weight loss
    • Quitting smoking
    • The law of attraction

    There are of course many more areas positive affirmations can help you with. You can find a huge list of positive affirmations written to help you deal with almost any problem imaginable at http://www.freeaffirmations.org/.

    How Do Positive Affirmations Work?

    The underlying reason positive affirmations work is repetition.

    Go back to the time when you were in primary school. The way you learnt anything was to repeat it enough times so that you were able to recite it at will, even if someone woke you up at any point during the night.

    That is the same way positive affirmations work. Repeat them enough times, and you will rewire your mind and replace the old, negative beliefs that hold you back with the new, positive ones that will help you take your life to the next level.

    You would use positive affirmations by first writing down the ones you believe would benefit you the most, and then setting up a time each day during which you would recite them to yourself.

    Do stay consistent. Reading them takes only a few minutes of your time per day, while the positive changes that the affirmations would bring would be permanent!

    The Best Way To Use Positive Affirmations

    There are a few things that can help you get the maximum benefit from reciting positive affirmations. Of course, over time you will develop a style that suits you best, but this is a list of things that work form most people.

        1. Stand in an upright position, take a good posture and relax your shoulders;

     

        2. Speak affirmations out loud one by one, with a tone of voice that leaves no doubt that you are confident in what you are saying;

     

        3. Speak in a slow, deliberate fashion. Take your time;

     

        4. Speak in front of a mirror so you are able to catch yourself if you are breaking any of the rules;

     

      5. Smile;

    Reciting affirmations two times per day, once when you get up, and once before you go to bed and repeating your list of affirmations a few times in a row could also help you to maximize their effectiveness.

    As already stated, they work because of repetition. Make a list of affirmations, schedule the time to recite them each day and do so in a confident manner fully believing in what you are saying, and over the next few weeks you should see gradual positive changes in your behavior, and also in the way you feel and the way you think.

    It would be advisable to make a promise to yourself that you will stick to reciting the affirmations for 30 days, and see where to go from there. Basically, when you experience the results after those 30 days have passed, you might realize that positive affirmations might have been the best thing you have discovered in your life.

     

    Image CreditSpencer Williams

     


  3. Discover Your Dharma or How I Quit My Job

    May 26, 2013

    discover your dharma

    by Luba Kholov

    “O Indra, lead us on the path of Rta, on the right path over all evils”

    10th mandala of the Rigveda

    Dharma is an ancient Sanskrit term. It’s literal meaning is “that which upholds, supports or maintains the regulatory order of the universe” It sounds a bit New Agey, but in essence it means the purpose of one’s life. It doesn’t mean the final destination, but the path one takes. The Law of Dharma means awakening oneself and using person’s unique talents to serve the humanity.

    How do you discover your Dharma? You don’t have to ask anyone about it, because you already have the answer. All answers are within you. If you are unable to hear your inner voice, that is the problem you have to solve.

    People started thinking about Dharma concept thousands of years ago and still think about it to this day – of course, if they have time. Most of us just don’t have the luxury of free time and thinking of Dharma isn’t our top priority… We don’t think about the meaning of life. We need to pay bills, finish assignments on time, satisfy a lover, build our career or take care of the kids.  By society’s definition, you need to be on top of all of these aspects of life and perform well in every regard in order to be successful, worthy and respected. Yet, as a result, people get sick, depressed and exhausted. Why? If you have ever spent a day commuting via the New York City subway system, you definitely understand what I’m talking about.

    (more…)


  4. Lets Be Happy – Positive Psychology in Action

    May 23, 2013

    I am back from a week of R&R in Kripalu Yoga Center and feeling very POSITIVE. Seriously positive! It is not only the yoga, meditation, scenery, nature hikes, and being surrounded with nice people, etc. It is also seeing people actively pursuing their goal of living HAPPY lives. As Tal Ben-Shahar, a positive psychology guru, once said “There’s more people wanting to be happy than rich”. Well, we all know “money cannot buy happiness”, so why not go straight to the goal and be happy? Simple eh? Well it is indeed.

    Tal happened to be in Kripalu this week teaching the course on Positive Psychology for social workers and therapists. I didn’t attend the course but spoke to some participants and they were totally overwhelmed. Apparently, being happy is SIMPLE! You just have to focus on the right things. Here I’d like to offer this short video by Tal Ben-Shahar talking about the “Incredible Power of Positivity”. Just watch and learn:

     

     

    So let’s start asking these questions: “what’s going well in your life?”, “what’s going well in your relationships?”, “what are your strengths?”. Let’s talk about our happy moments and happy experience and focus on positives. May be this will shift your balance and attitude?

    According to Dalai Lama, “Compassion is a state of mind where you extend how you relate to yourself toward others as well” If you dislike or even hate yourself you’ll create this “hate wave” towards others as well. Dalai Lama teaches us that the key is to start loving ourselves first: “Yourself first, and then in a more advanced way the aspiration will embrace others. In a way, high levels of compassion are nothing but an advanced state of that self-interest. That’s why it is hard for people who have a strong sense of self-hatred to have genuine compassion toward others. There is no anchor, no basis to start from.”

     

     


  5. 5 Psychological Tricks to Help You Lose Weight

    May 17, 2013

    Positive psychology to lose weight

    by Matthew Denos

    You’ve tried flexing almost every muscle you have in the battle of the bulge, but you may have overlooked the most important one.  In fact, you are using it right now to read and understand – it’s your brain! The mind is a powerful thing and positive psychology teaches you how to program your brain to get results you want. You can have amazing results and bring about the weight loss and a better health you so desperately want to achieve.

    Interested?  Here are five of the best psychological tricks to “manipulate” your mind to get the healthy body you want.

    1. Give Yourself a Written Guarantee

    In a published psychology study, scientists wanted to test the theory that writing about something important—not related to health, interestingly—might actually boost weight loss.  They had a group of college women come in, have their weight and Body Mass Index (BMI, a index that shows if you are obese or of normal weight) documented, and then write a list of things important to them in their lives.  Things like religion, friends, and relationships all topped most lists, with less significant things at the lower end.

    The group was split in half, and the first half was asked to write a free form essay for 15 minutes (in other words, just sit down and write, no structure required, no grading) about one of the top items on their lists and explain why it is important for them.  The other group was asked to write about something far down the list, and not how it related to their own lives, but how it might be important to someone else.

    Over half of the women were already overweight or obese, and the others were at a BMI very close to overweight.  All of them were unhappy with their weight.

    After the 15 minute writing exercise, the women left, and came back to be measured again 2-3 months later.

    The group who had written about strong values important to their own lives had lost an average of almost 4 pounds, while the group who had written about lesser values and not even relating them to their own lives had gained an average of almost 3 pounds! And the group who lost weight also had smaller waists, regardless of BMI.  None of these women had been told that the writing exercise had anything to do with losing weight.

    Researchers conclude that writing about things important in our lives can trigger calm, centering us back to what is really important, and giving us a way to deal with stress and daily setbacks in life without reaching for food as a coping mechanism.  It can make us feel better about who we are, and free up mental resources to focus on goals and willpower.  Pretty amazing.  Go get your pen and start writing!

    2. Give Your Body A Good Review

    The more acceptive you are of who you are right now, the more likely you are to be able to lose weight.  People who have a negative self image of their bodies are much more likely to have trouble losing weight and keeping it off than their counterparts who don’t worry about their size, shape, or what others think of them.

    A study I read in the International Journal of Behavioral Nutrition and Physical Activity noted that women in the study who were taught techniques to handle diet setbacks, and to have a better body image all lost more weight than a second group who didn’t get that same training.

    In some ways it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy—when you think you aren’t good enough, you act on those feelings, and undermine your own efforts with losing weight and being healthier.  So give yourself a break, and focus on all the great things about you.  When you are happier with yourself, you will treat yourself better, and know that you deserve to lose weight and feel good.

    3. Eat With The Right Size of Fork

     

    Another little mind game to win at weight loss is to use the big fork to eat at restaurants and the small fork to eat at home.  This one is a clear example of how your mind controls so much that you do, and you aren’t even aware of it!

    Researchers from the University of Utah did some field experiments and found that, for a variety of reasons, diners in restaurant settings didn’t use the same cues to realize they were getting full as when they were at home.  When we eat at home we rely on our hormonal signals (feelings of satiety) in order to stop eating. Since it takes several minutes for our brain to send these signals after food reaches our stomach, by the time satiety kicks in those who eat fast using big forks end up taking in more food than those who eat slow using small forks.

    In contrast, when we dine out researchers say that we pay attention to a visual and more immediate satiety signal: The size of the dent in the food on our plate. This is because when we go to a restaurant, we invest more time and money toward satisfying our hunger than when we eat at home. We are therefore more eager and impatient to see we are progressing toward our goal of satisfying our hunger.  Using a big fork means we make a big dent in our food and therefore we get an immediate and perhaps unconscious feedback that we are progressing well toward our goal. We soon stop eating. Using a small fork, on the other hand, means we make small dents in our food, and we receive a weaker cue of goal progress. You therefore keep eating for a longer time and end up eating more food.

    That’s it.  Use the small fork at home and take small bites to help you eat less, but when you are dining out, bigger is better (in your cutlery at least!)

    4. A Picture Is Worth 1000 Words… and Too Many Calories!

     

    One study actually proved what most of us have always known—you see a picture of a delicious something, and you want to eat that delicious something, right now.  I know I’ve been watching TV and a food ad comes on—and suddenly I am hungry, no matter how much or when I just ate.

    Researchers took a group of young males and studied how their bodies reacted to looking at pictures, of food and non-food items.  The ones with food had an immediate release of the food hormone ghrelin, which can give you that “I want to eat right now” feeling.

    If you are on a diet, be aware of how sneaky advertising and cooking shows can be in tricking your mind into wanting to eat when you see pictures of food.

    5. Sleeping Enough Can Mean Eating Less

    Your body and mind need adequate cycles of sleep to function in top order.  Think of a car—if you never tune it up, put in the worst fuel, don’t wash it, and let the tires get bald and low on air, that car will never perform right and eventually you will ruin the worth.  You are like that too; your body needs to be treated well to perform well.

    When you don’t get adequate sleep—7-8 hours or more really is best—your mind is much more likely to let you overeat. And since lack of sleep is becoming pretty common, it might explain part of why today 2 out of 3 people in the US are overweight or obese.

    Uppsala University researchers did a study involving a group of young men who were deprived of a night’s sleep and then tested in a variety of ways.  Brain activity and hormones showed high levels of wanting to eat. Moreover, the participants metabolism was lower the morning after not sleeping. A low metabolism, eating more, moving less, and feeling more stressful are all things that tend to go hand in hand with weight gain, or trouble losing weight.

    So listen to your mother, and get a good night’s sleep!

    Your mind can be your best friend while dieting. If you take for granted all the things your mind can do, you might find yourself struggling with weight gain and the inability to lose it for reasons you can’t explain. Fill it with positive thoughts and the right images, and you are programming the power of your brain to help you lose weight and be healthy.  No wonder you always hear, “think thin!”

    Image Credit: Hilde Skjolberg


  6. Tips for Professionals: Stress Management with Positive Thinking

    May 15, 2013

    fight stress with positive thinking

    by Lindsey Dahlberg

    If you are a professional, you know how difficult positive thinking can be.  You are constantly surrounded by negativity, aggression, selfishness, hostility, suspiciousness, and cynicism.  Plus, there aren’t enough hours in the day and stress can often get the best of you.

    The demands of the job are intense and stress can wear you down. Just when you manage to survive one week, the next week is quickly upon you with an ever growing pile of work.

    There are days when there is nothing left in the tank, but you still have to deal with difficult clients and ominous timelines. You limp home tired and worn out. Stress and negativity seem to be sewn into the very fabric of what it means to be a professional. It doesn’t matter what field you are in either, or how big the company is – the burden on your shoulders can be too much at times.

    How can you survive the day to day beatings you are subjected to?

    Identifying the Source of Stress

    What exactly is causing you so much stress? The work itself is not easy and is probably the main cause for your stress. Being a professional is demanding and the work can be difficult. To compound this problem, there is a lot of this demanding work to be done – mountains of work that seem unassailable.

    The deadlines creep up on you and feel like an ever tightening noose. You spend more time in your office than anywhere else. There are a lot of days when you get to the office in the dark and leave in the dark. Time is a scarce and precious commodity, and nowhere is it truer that time is money.

    Add to the mix office politics and dealing with other professionals and clients. The competition can be intense and draining, confrontations can be ugly. Plus, you have to deal with clients and customers who can be hostile.

    Female professionals can have even a tougher row to hoe with the added pressure of responsibilities at home. Childcare and domestic concerns add a whole new dimension to the stress level of a professional.

    Understanding the Results of Stress

    Growing stress levels can only stay bottled up for so long before an eruption occurs. In the meantime, stress will wear you down like a corrosive acid. Your emotional and physical being will be impacted. Muscle aches, high blood pressure, upset stomach, ulcers, and a weakened immune system are just some of the physical symptoms of stress. Depression, anxiety and feelings of hopelessness are the hallmarks of emotional stress.

    This stress will impact all other areas of life. Because you are filled with stress and other strong emotions, a slight bump in the road can easily cause some of those emotions to spill out. Your family may end up taking the brunt of your stress. It should be no surprise that successful professionals have high divorce rates. Others fall into the trap of substance abuse to try to deal with their stress load.

    Stress Management and Positive Thinking Techniques

    Different people deal with stress in different ways, and there are various ways to achieve and maintain a positive mindset.

    The following techniques have helped a lot of professionals manage their stress load and find time to take care of themselves. If the problems you face seem insurmountable and hopeless, talk to a professional counselor or medical professional for options and treatments.

    Analyze Your Thoughts and Emotions

    Top-notch professionals are often stereotyped as being tough and hardened individuals. They are seen to be logical, analytical and detached. While being detached from certain things is good, being detached from your thoughts and emotions is not healthy.

    In order to deal with your emotions and thoughts, you will need to slow down. Ask yourself what you are feeling and why. Are you struggling with fear? Are these fears realistic and sensible?

    Prioritize and Schedule Tasks

    The pressure of time can be especially stressful. When facing a big task that will involve a lot of time and energy, we can often procrastinate by busying ourselves with projects of lesser importance. Being busy for the sake of being busy is not an effective use of time.

    Priorities need to be established and tasks need to be done according to level of importance. Set deadlines, prioritize tasks by importance, and consider the amount of work involved with each obligation.

    Lists are a great way to keep you on the straight and narrow; they help keep you from meandering through your work. Make a list of all your long term projects; record deadlines, due dates, and generalities of these long term projects.

    Make a second list for everyday tasks. This will look more like a ‘to-do’ list and will help you get through the smaller tasks. This will give you a good idea of what you are up against.  You won’t have sudden deadline surprises or forgotten items to deal with. You can leave at the end of the day knowing that everything is under control and organized.

    Some professionals have a daily list that is even broken down by hour. This may not be a great strategy as this can easily add to your stress load. You will feel like your day has gone off the rails if one of the items extends into the next hour.

    Keep a calendar for all of your scheduled events. Make sure you carefully work around this list.

    Make Time to Relax

    As mentioned above, stress can take a toll on the physical aspects of a person. You may have your time management down pat, but you are still feeling the effects of stress.  A few minutes throughout your day is all you will need to combat stress that has physical ramifications.

    Your body is not designed to sit in a chair for hours at a time. Get out of your chair periodically and stretch. Work from the top of your body and stretch your way down.

    Another tactic is proper breathing. Close your eyes and take a deep breath.  Hold your breath for a moment and then release your breath out slowly. Continue to do so until you feel some of the stress and anxiety decreasing.

    Deal with Your Stress

    Find what works for you. Office exercises and breathing techniques might be the ticket. Or you may find a brisk walk at lunch to be effective. It is also suggested that you find an outlet to clear your mind and deal with stress. Sports are great for that; there aren’t many people who limp off the racquetball court with a head full of stress!

    The key is to strike up a balance in your life between work, home, family, and your interests. Don’t let yourself slip below waves of stress and negativity.  Take control and tackle the stress head on.  Keep thinking positively and you’ll do great!

    How have you learned to deal with stress in your busy workday?

    Image Credit: sunshinecity


  7. Pushing Your Limits With Positive Thinking

    May 11, 2013

    motivation to get fit

    It’s true that exercise boosts confidence; however, everyone is prone to moments of doubt and negative self-talk – the key to overcoming or pushing through challenges is with positive thinking.  Before you cross that finish line you’ll want to give up and before you lose those next 10 pounds, you’ll want to cheat; positive thinking will help you stay on top of your goal whether it’s a better diet, increasing your 1 rep max, or finishing that first race.  So, when you want to give up, drop the dumbbell, or curse burpees, it’s time to practice these positive thinking exercises to help you stick to those goals.

     

    Find Your Mantra

    Mantra is like a mini pep-talk; words or phrases that resonate with you and move you to action.  Your words or phrase may only mean something to you, based off of a past event in your life or a goal of where you want to be.  Whatever it is, it must drive you and encourage you to push beyond what you believe you are capable of at that time.  These words of affirmation need to be repeated often; when you’re strong, when you’re in doubt, when you are about to give up – give yourself your pep-talk.  Say it in front of the mirror as you stand tall; believe what you tell yourself and most of all believe in yourself.  Here are some mantra ideas you can try:

    • Eat for the body you want, not for the body you have.
    • I deserve this.
    • Of course it’s hard.  It’s supposed to be hard.  If it were easy, everybody would do it.
    • I never regret a good workout.
    • The food I eat today is the body I wear tomorrow.
    • You know your limit, and this is NOT it.
    • There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.

     

    See it to Believe It

    We’ve all heard of great stars visualizing the game-winning basket, as conceded as it sounds, visualization is how they got to be that star in the first place; you need to see it to believe it.  Spend time visualizing yourself crossing that finish line, see that scale read 10 pounds lighter, or imagine yourself rocking the body solid leverage gym.  This exercise is important in positive thinking because visualizing where you want to be helps you see the path you need to take and it motivates you to action.  The more you see it, the more you can believe it.  And when you have moments of doubt, setbacks, and moments of trial, stop and visualize where you want to be and what you need to do to get there.

     

    Acknowledge Your Progress

    Keeping a log of what you do or what you eat isn’t to guilt you into working out every day; it’s a way to track your progress.  You should record what you did, how you felt, how you’ve improved, and take pride in what you’ve done!  Sure, you’ve probably made mistakes, but with positive thinking it’s important to reflect on those mistakes to determine you where you can improve rather than to beat yourself up.  As you analyze where you’ve been and where you are now, think on experiences where you were successful or that made you happy, and have helped you realize that it’s all been worth it.  These moments are what will keep you going when you’re ready to give in.

    Setting and reaching your goals can be hard and discouraging, but if you use positive thinking to face your obstacles with an optimistic outlook you’ll be on your way to setting new limits.  So before you throw in the towel, try one of these exercises to renew your motivation.

     Image Credit: Lululemon Athletica


  8. Brené Brown on Vulnerability and Shame

    May 3, 2013

    Vulnerability and Shame

     

    by Gabriela D. Acosta

     

    If Brené Brown has taught us anything it is that the path to wholehearted living is not an easy one. It’s not something that you can attain overnight by making a few life tweaks and adjustments.

     

    When presenting her theories at TED conferences, the social work research-professor openly shares her experiences with shame, emotional “breakdowns” and vulnerability. The mention of delving into those three things are probably enough to make you click this page shut without a second thought, but what the concept of wholehearted living offers in return for exploring these scary topics is worth it: It means finally feeling comfortable and happy in your skin. You can’t deny that you have experienced moments of self doubt in your life. If you are lucky enough to say you haven’t, you’re either an extremely rare case or you’re just not being honest with yourself.

     

    Wholehearted Living

     

    Wholehearted living is described as living your life from the standpoint of worthiness. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of belonging. You are enough. The qualities of one who is living wholeheartedly are courage, compassion and connection. Courage is telling the story of who you really are as a person. Compassion means being kind to yourself, because this is necessarily before you can be compassionate with others. And connection is about letting go of who you think you should be and being who you are in order to truly connect with others. This is the recipe for wholehearted living.

     

    Shame and Vulnerability

     

    Brown tells us that there are two important aspects to explore on the road to wholehearted living: shame and vulnerability. These two things can often go hand and hand. At the core of shame is vulnerability.

     

    Brown explains that guilt and shame are not the same thing. Guilt is a positive feeling that motivates us and keeps us in check when it comes to our actions and their effect on the world. We feel guilty when we make a mistake and hurt someone. Shame, on the other hand, is the belief that we are the mistake. We are the bad thing, rather than the action we committed. You can imagine how detrimental this can be to wholehearted living. Instead of accepting that we are humans who make mistakes and fail as a natural part of being, we constantly beat ourselves up for our perceived failures. We are our own cruelest critics, telling ourselves not only that we have failed, but that it is because we aren’t good enough.

     

    While vulnerability is the seed of shame, it is also the seed of creativity, joy, belonging and love. Contrary to popular belief, vulnerability is absolutely essential to wholehearted living. Vulnerability is risk-taking, exposure and uncertainty. It’s knowing that you might not do it well, do it right or do it at all, but you have to try. This may sound terrifying to most people. It’s not easy to be vulnerable, and we tend to associate being vulnerable with being weak. Vulnerability is not weakness. To be vulnerable is to have courage. It is scary, but only through accepting it as a part of our life can we have a chance at wholehearted living. Imagine being able to live your life without allowing concerns about what others think of you rule what you do and how you present yourself to the world. I bet it sounds freeing.

     

    How to Live Wholeheartedly

     

    Brown gives us four tidbits of advice for attaining wholehearted living. The first is to let yourself be seen for who truly are, vulnerability and all. The second is to love with your whole heart. This means putting yourself at risk for rejection and heartache. The third is to practice gratitude and joy, meaning that in the darkest moments when you are paralyzed by fear of your own vulnerability, you stop and give thanks for living your life so fully. Feeling that fear means that you are really living and not just hiding behind your fears.

     

    And the final piece of advice that she shares is to believe that you are enough. With this final piece, you will approach yourself and the world in a kinder and gentler way. This is the way of wholehearted living.

     

    Author Bio: Gabriela D. Acosta serves as the community manager for the MSW@USC, one of the most innovative and dynamic social work graduate programs online. She is passionate about social justice, mental health research, and leadership development. Connect with her on Twitter @Gabyacosta101

    Image Credit: Stefano Mortellaro


  9. The Bright Side of Life

    April 28, 2013

    positive thinking

    by Jamie Arnold

    Whenever events and circumstances make us unhappy, we usually ask ourselves questions like

    –          What is the reality of the situation?

    –          What should my attitude to it be?

    –          What should I do about it?

    There is not much in the way of wise counsel, be it religious, philosophical or psychological, that does not in some way address these basic questions.

    The Monty Python film “Life of Brian” pokes fun at the whole matter by ending with a crucifixion scene in which the song “Always Look at the Bright Side of Life” is sung. Originally written for the film, this song is now a virtual folk anthem, glaring irony and all. It’s an ode to the extremes to which we humans will go to view life with a tall order of stiff upper lip topped off with Polyanna’s rose-colored glasses.

    Shadow and Light

    What’s the alternative to forced, seemingly unfounded, optimism in the face of unhappy emotions and experiences? Psychotherapy and psychiatry are readily available to help us with what ails us mentally and emotionally so that we can gain perspective, heal if necessary, and go on with life. Engaging in psychotherapy does not require a simplistic optimism that belies the darker realities of a situation; it encourages us to explore these shadows in more depth.  On the other hand, some branches of psychology have emerged in reaction to what they see as a singular emphasis on negative human conditions in their field. Humanistic psychology and positive psychology focus a little more on the bright side, so to speak. Rather than dismissing Polyanna, a psychologist studying positive psychology would be interested in her core attitudes and coping mechanisms to see if they have the potential to make the rest of us healthier and happier.

    Positive thinking is one of the central ideas of the so-called New Age movement in America and elsewhere. It also permeates Buddhist thought and, probably, the commonsense attitudes of many of our ancestors who somehow survived to pass on life to those who thrive today. Despite the need to understand and address what seems like negative realities, our mental health really does appear to benefit if we get into the habit of putting a positive spin on our lot and especially on the future.

    Give Yourself the Gift of Positive Thinking

    Neuroscience has entered an exciting era in which brain imaging is being used to identify what the brain looks when we feel joy, hope and other positive emotions. By scanning to identify which areas of the brain are more active when we feel upbeat and optimistic, neuroscientists can even devise ways to train and exercise those areas of the brain to become activated more readily. They can also identify areas most associated with depression and other psychiatric imbalances and likewise create more accurate ways to lessen the effect of those types of brain activity.

    This is exciting news for everyone alive today. Our generation is blessed with the knowledge and the proof that it’s possible to change our thoughts and attitudes for the better, and that, most of all, it’s beneficial for us in the long run to do so. The catchphrase for this phenomenon is brain plasticity, which refers to the fact that we can train and improve our brains just as we can our bodies. All it takes is the right set of methods and exercises.

    A Healthier, Happier You

    What are some of the benefits of cultivating positivity and optimism? According to experts at the world-renowned Mayo clinic, you’re more likely to live longer with a higher quality of life, experience less depression, enjoy a stronger immune system, experience less heart disease and better manage stressful situations. Whether optimism is a cause or effect of living a healthier lifestyle, there is a relationship. Positive people tend to be more physically active and eat healthier foods while engaging in fewer addictive behaviors.

    If you don’t feel that you have the positive mental attitude that would bring you these benefits, try some simple exercises and do them regularly just as you might start a physical exercise routine. Maintain your motivation by detaching from any expectations for a while. If you expect to feel better overnight and it doesn’t happen, don’t let yourself become discouraged; just keep going. Develop positive affirmations that you can apply to your life, or borrow some generic sayings from religious or self-help sources and repeat them until their simplicity begins to win you over. There is a piece of traditional folk wisdom that suggests, “If you’re not happy, fake it and it will eventually feel real.” This is absolutely true. The brain begins to remold itself to reflect a more positive outlook. Enduring happiness may not be as simple as that, but research suggests this approach is on the right path!

    Your positive inner coach should focus on simple phrases that deal with a better future, forgiveness, gratitude and other humble concerns. The capacity to believe that even bad situations and feelings will turn out for the best is a powerful antidote to life’s ills. Holding on to anger and disappointment have the capacity to poison us, so stop counting your wounds and affirm your forgiveness of others. Likewise, make simple statements of gratitude for the people, experiences, and opportunities that benefit your life.

    Are you ignoring negative realities by practicing positive thinking? Perhaps you are; or you may be avoiding putting a negative spin on a more benign reality. Each situation and each person is different, but adopting a positive attitude can absolutely help you feel happier in the long run. Just give it a try – it’ll work wonders in your life.

     Image Credit: Wagner Cesar Munhoz


  10. Celebrating Stress Awareness Month by Mastering the Art of Positive Thinking

    April 24, 2013

    Positive thinking

    Image Credit: Wagner Cesar Munhoz

    by Melissa Page

    April 1 marks the beginning of the National Stress Awareness Month, which was designated since April 1992. What better time to engage in stress-relieving steps for a happier and healthier life than today?

    Articles on managing, if not relieving, stress has gained a great deal of attention in the recent years. From what we’ve heard and read, positive thinking (aside from relaxation and coping techniques) has proven to be helpful in decreasing a person’s stress levels.

    What is positive thinking?

    Positive thinking is an attitude that makes you face life’s challenges with a positive outlook. It doesn’t necessarily mean ignoring the bad ones; instead, its about approaching stressful events in a more positive light.

    You may have heard the question Is the glass half empty, or half full? a hundred times. It may sound ordinary, but your answer to that question actually illustrates your general outlook in life.

    If you answer the second option, you’re on the right track. Why?

    Benefits of thinking positively

    According to the Mayo Clinic, positive thinking is more than just a stress buster – it eventually leads to a drastic improvement of one’s health. Researchers have found that a person who thinks positively is most likely to have an increased lifespan, decreased depression rate, greater resistance to the common cold, better psychological well-being, reduction of death through cardiovascular disease, and better coping skills.

    Ways to promote positive thinking

    1. Avoid negative self talk.

    Does your inner voice focus on negative thoughts? Do you mentally tell yourself you’re no good? Try to take a moment to stop and assess what you tell yourself.

    If your thoughts center on negative ideas, turn that negative self-talk to positive self-talk instead. Replace your negative statements with milder wording. For instance, instead of saying “hate,” say “don’t like.” Sounds less negative, right?

    2. Develop a list of affirmations.

    Do you think your life is a mess and you are a failure? To overcome this negative feeling, developing a list of affirmations may help. Positive affirmations help you reprogram your thinking and gives you positive attitudes and thoughts to promote self confidence.

    Affirmations such as “I finish my job with ease” or “I see challenges as an opportunity to grow” are good examples. List them down and read them to yourself at least twice a day!

    3. Surround yourself with positive people.

    As the adage goes, “Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are.” More often than not, the people we mingle and stay close to have influence on us. How your friends react will eventually be the way you react as well.

    It helps to be with people who think positively. When you are together, you get to learn and follow their type of thinking in response to different situations. If you stay with negative-minded people, your habit of negative self-talk will be difficult to change.

    4. Smile and laugh often.

    A real, genuine smile can help change how you see things in life. Although it can be really difficult, it is important to stay open to laughter, humor, and lightness. Sometimes, when you see potential humor in a situation, you tend to reduce stress and lighten your mood.

    So next time you’re under a cloud, try watching something funny online or read a joke you always crack up to. Smiling and laughing helps you psychologically and physically, too!

    5. Cultivate optimism.

    Even if you are an optimist since birth, positive thinking needs effort. Staying optimistic is like strengthening a muscle –  the more you use it, the stronger it will become. When you start to engage in negative thinking, don’t hesitate to ask help and encouragement from friends and family.

    Are you now ready to enjoy greater happiness, health benefits and well being? Start thinking positive!